A brush. A puff. And A Smile.


It hurts so bad.
When all our good sides, are just exactly not the things wanted by the one whom we love.
And all our weaknesses are exposed as clear as you were walking naked.


night#30 less or more



Hari ini salah satu ujian terberat bagi Gw.
Pagi2 dimarahin nyokap karena terlambat ke mesjid.
I’m sorry mother.
I had to take care of these two kids first.
Mandiin dan siapin baju 2 anak.
Gw sendiri telat bangun.
Kenapa Gw telat bangun?
Karena Gw tidur larut.
Kenapa Gw tidur larut?
Karena si kecil belum mau tidur trus berantem sama kakaknya.
Dan Gw kecapekan.
Kenapa Gw kecapekan?
Karena gw sabtu seharian di luar rumah.
Kuliah. Antar halid les. Belanja groceries. Jemput halid. Antar Halid cukur rambut.
Akumulasi senin-sabtu kerja.
7 to 7, di 2 tempat.

Today was the day when the kids decided to be more active and witty.
And tonight is the night when nuha decided to stay overnight at Jema’s house.
Left Halid crying all night before he fell asleep.
I was at my wits end.
Failed on the patience test that My Lord has put me through.

I wasn’t prepared for this.
I’m sorry but I’ve only been a month become a “mother”.
Itupun husbandless.

I’ve chosen this kind of life.

And yes I gotta fight for this.

Laahawla walaa quwatta illa billah.

No fear, my Lord.
I have YOU.

Nite Note.
Alhamdulillah 🙂



“Nevermind I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don’t forget me, I beg
I remember you said
sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”

This song keeps playing on my mind.
Though it doesn’t represent what I have inside.
At all.

But there’s a deep hollow in me
That slowly began to be filled by confusion and hesitation.

O my dear Lord,
I may not have much time to pray and wait until my prayer is answered.
I beg You please, Lord.
Let the dim light shine this time.
So I can walk faster toward the end of this cold and dark tunnel.
I’d run if I have to.

O my lovely Lord,
I put my heart in Your hand
For it truly belongs to you forever.
Please let me live by your scenario
Gently touch my shoulder so it can be strong to carry all the burden.

O my all mighty Lord,
The owner of this universe
Let the stars and moon accompany me in my everystep, following the path that You’ve written for me.

O my owner, my Lord.
I’d walk a thousand miles
I’d wait a thousand days
I’d cry a thousand teardrops
If it makes me closer to You.

I’ll walk my destiny.
No fear, I have You, Lord.

Laa haula Wala quwatta illaa billah.
Bismillah :’)



Hari ini Halid minta izin utk ikutan outbond ke Situ udik cibungbulang dari sekolahnya.
Agak berat sih ngelepasnya..
Tapi kasian doi pengen banget ikut..

Trus dapat cerita katanya hari ini Nuha disuntik imunisasi tapi gak nangis.
Trus ditepokin sama bidan n suster2 di posyandu. Pinteeerrrr :’)

Trus anak2 pd seneng dapat kiriman hadiah mainan dari Bapak ibunya.
Nuha nyalain sebentar trus ngmg: “udah ah nti batlenya abis..”

And now I’m ndusel2 between the kids.
Lovely :’)

Nite note
Alhamdulillah 🙂



There’s a place in our heart called comfort corner.
it’s only filled by some broken pieces that can never return to their places.
You know it’s bad and painful enough to let them occupying the corner.
But you just can’t get rid of them because you wish that someday you can pick all the pieces and mend the broken parts.
Stay there.
You might never know when they’d get fixed.
But at least they don’t leave the corner so you could still reminisce every single cracks made and step forward carefully 🙂